Truth is, I have been a debauched downward slide for a few weeks now. Quit yoga, casual ***, drinking & (@#$%’s), diet out the window. spiritual angst combined, makes for tortured soul. Not just crying jags over my lack of planning and the accompanying loneliness but true haunting. I am at such a crisis in my life over being so empty, that I am turning to God. This will hopefully help me find some peace and/or give me the strength to do what I was meant to do.
It has been my quest all along, so it is not really a surprise that I should be going further than I ever have in that regard. I am a forward moving person. If you can imagine a confirmed aethiest becoming an evangelical born again christian then you are close. However, I have yet to sing Hallelujah. All my encounters with the holy spirit lead me to a pool of tears. Tears of regret for my joyous life unlived and everyone else’s combined.
However, I am happy that I have been graced with several others of the same persuasion that are helping me through. And my life is in good shape other than the fact that the devil wants me dead. Oh, even in “spiritualist” circles,(the honest ones anyway), the warning is there to watch out when you add light to your being for the devil takes notice. And it is not a new thing for me either. I have met these dark entities before.
Twice in one week, I have tunneled furiously into consciousness out of sleep. The first one merely approached me as I was sleeping as though to lay a hand on me. I was even thinking positively about it until I felt its evil presence and jumped awake. The second one had a high pitched voice, that was neither man nor woman, spoke to me as I left the abandoned warehouse that I was walking through, “I am going to kill you.” My inner warrior rose up and then I was awake again. My first instinct was to turn and fight this thing.
So, when I don’t flinch easy and find stories of other people’s hell lame, you may now know why. I don’t have a lot of sympathy for modern weaknesses. When the devil wants to kill you you have real problems, as improbable as the devil would have you beleive it is.
So, it is important for a person like me to constantly strive for greatness. Greatness through eating right, through devotion and love of God, through right thinking and acting….. Essential. Trust me I am no angel. That is why I am here. I beleive I have encountered these beings before through the ages of eternity that my soul has witnessed. I believe I have bartered with them and perhaps even led them. We were all one at one point remember.
As I gain clarity through the crisis of my being, my enemies rise up. Through this I choose my direction, out of necessity, out of force, out of willfulness. That is where I am at. Please include me in your prayers.
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